Six Months.......and Counting

Keith here

it seems like time flies and at the same time it stand stills, its hard for me to believe that its been 6 months since my sweet kara died, it has been a wild ride for sure, full of lifes ups and downs, as we all know, life does go on, sometimes its easy, other times, not so easy, but that's the way of life, it is so true that you, yes you, must enjoy each day, stop and smell the roses, and embrace each rainbow after a storm,  I can sit here and ramble on more clichés and such but enough of that bs, ha...

Lets join together and celebrate life on the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, Saturday December 21, i'd like to make it an all day ordeal from like 10 in the morning until 10 at night or until whenever really,  please pass this on to those who know us

until next time, enjoy the cake and chocolate, embrace the joys of life and carry the positive vibe onward
peace

A Big Thank Y'all

keith here, I'd just like to thank everyone for everything, the fiesta was a total success, good times, good music, good people, good weather....a li'l warm, but with a nice breeze....I was telling someone, I can take care of myself, i'm a 41 year old man, but hell, i'm a 41 year old man with 2 kids, so the party wasnt for me...it was for my 2 gorgeous kids,  it brings a tear to my eye and makes me giggle how precious they are....most of the time, ha, so a sincere thank you to everyone, really, thank you so much.....i was also telling someone that i guess i better start up a facebook account....nnnnnoooooo...but it seems that social media isnt some passing fad, dammit....remember life is too short....do what you love....smiles are free, peace k

Party at The Wyldwood!

To continue our support of Keith, Gregory and Miko a family friendly party will be held Sunday June 23rd from 2pm-6pm at The Wyldwood, in south Austin.  The Wyldwood is the home of Amy and Andrew Murphy, long time friends of Keith and Kara.  It is where the benefit was held when Keith had his accident three years ago.  The Wyldwood hosts house concerts throughout the summer and is a lovely place to listen to music and play.  See their web site for detailed information about location and what's appropriate to bring.  Music will be Laura Freeman and The Austin Family Jewels.  Please bring a dish to share and a beverage of your choice.  No dogs please.  

http://www.wyldwoodshows.com/about-us.html

We will gather to celebrate Keith and his boys as well as remember our dear friend Kara.  The party will mark two months since Kara's passing.  

Hope to see you there!!

Janice

Miko is 3

Keith here, Can ya belive it, time flies wether you are paying attention or not, rich or poor, or happy or sad.  So ya might as well make the most/best of it while ya can.  I'd like to thank everyone who made the fiesta a fun time, I'm not used to wearing all the hats as far as the invites and prep and all that but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Good thing most hats are adjustable....

As we face the many crossroads in life,  descions now affect us later, some minor, some major, well, i know i'm standing at a major intersection....I've been thinking, go big or go home...a dear friend told me today, just take care of the boys and everything else will fall into place....i believe no truer words have been said today....

Take time to decompress and reflect....and smile even if that rose your smelling has a li'l bug on it or if a thorn tries to kiss you...

I saw a tattoo yesterday, it said, "the pain i feel today will be the strength i feel tomorrow"...well, i feel like superman, minus the cape, hahaha

There will be a fundraiser at Wyldwood on June 23 from 2-6, music, food and friends, come on out and enjoy the beautiful day, remember, they're all beautiful, and an early thanks to all for all that they are doing.

Smile, Hug, Love

A New Way to Donate to Keith, Gregory and Miko!

We would really like to keep love flowing toward Keith, Gregory and Miko for a long time to come.  To make it easier to make direct money donations there is now a deposit only bank account at University Federal Credit Union.  You can go by the bank or mail in a check, specifying their account information.

account number: 1800900625480
routing number: 314977405

University Federal Credit Union
PO Box 9350
Austin, TX 78766-9350

Laura Stewart's eulogy for Kara from the service on May 3rd, 2013

I met Kara at Stacy Park when our children were 18 months old. Gregory and Ava were born exactly one week apart and so Kara and I shared that incredible experience of watching your first child’s development and also of watching ourselves develop as parents. I never would have imagined I would be standing here on this occasion, so soon in our lives. But here I am, with all of you. All of you beautiful friends and family that came flowing like a river of love through Keith and Kara’s house in those last few weeks and who were so much a part of Kara’s life. Here I am, sharing my little piece of what Kara’s life meant to those around her.

I am so grateful for the companionship that Kara and I shared. I found such comfort in our friendship. She was such an example of resilience and generosity. She taught me not to apologize so much for myself, a lesson that I am still learning. There was never any pretense with Kara. I found it so very refreshing. She lived according to what she believed so strongly, down to the smallest detail of her life. And I don’t think you can talk about Kara without mentioning her incredible will. Such a force she was. To quote my husband Andrew, “She was the fiercest mamma I ever knew. If anyone can watch her boys from the beyond, it is Kara.”

Now that she is gone I find myself looking to Kara again for comfort, or rather I feel comforted by her. Before Keith asked me to speak here today I wrote this in response to her passing.

Kara’s Smile

Kara used to tell me sometimes, “My mother always said, ‘You can make a choice to be happy. Every day you can make that choice.’” In her last couple of years on this earth I started to doubt her belief in that wisdom. It seemed to me that the struggles of everyday life might be getting the best of her. But in those last few weeks I noticed, maybe for the first time, Kara’s brilliant smile. I guess it was always there, even in the hard times. I had a couple of pictures of us together, the kind that you take by holding your arm out and snapping a sort of joint self-portrait. I always loved those pictures and as I look at them now I can see what it was. It was that smile. It held everything around it in its brilliance. It took you in and gave you a big fat hug, the best kind of hug. If just for a moment, the world was allowed to be just as wonderful as it really is. As Kara began the process of leaving this body behind, her smile shone through it all. At least now and then, her smile let you believe that there was nothing really wrong, even though you hated what was happening to her. I hear that she died with a smile on her face. This gives me tremendous comfort in the face of my grief over Kara being gone. I believe that that smile of hers is powerful enough to carry her through whatever it is that lies in that passageway from here to there and back again. In that dissolution of the world as we know it, I like to think that that smile became all there is, that the universe embraced her like she embraced us all- with warmth and light and love.

A BIG Thank You

keith here, words can not truely express how much i appreciate everyone right now.....but a thank you will suffice for now, if anyone ever needs anything please let me know, i know i know, everyone has been sayin' the same thing to me, but one hand washes another....it was a memorial that i think kara would have liked....she is gone but certainly not forgotten, you know the ol' saying, don't know what ya got til it gone, well dammit, im fully realizing that shit right now, thanks again, peace k

Kara Hathcox

Kara Hathcox, age 39, of Austin came full circle on Tuesday, April 23 after an epic struggle with breast cancer. She was born on April 23, 1974 in Garland, Texas to Karen Dale and Ronda Hathcox and had a brother and sister. She graduated from Sulphur Springs High School in 1992 and attended the University of Texas at Austin. Bound by love in 1998 to Keith Hilsabeck, they ebbed and flowed through the experiences of life for 15 years. Blessed with two children, Gregory Andrew and Miko Sol, who gave them direction, purpose and great joy. Kara was a pillar of strength and a force to be reckoned with. She was loved by many, feared by few, respected by all. She will be missed. Kara is survived by her grandmother, Margie Dale Hathcox, father, Karen Dale Hathcox, mother, Ronda Drake, brother, Justin Hathcox, sister, Amanda Hathcox, husband, Keith Hilsabeck, sons, Gregory and Miko, aunts and cousins. A casual gathering of family and friends will be held at ten o'clock in the morning on Friday, the 3rd of May 2013, at Cook-Walden Funeral Home, 6100 North Lamar Boulevard, Austin, Texas. Kara loved bright colors, so please honor her with your most festive attire. In lieu of flowers, Kara's family asks that memorial gifts be made in her honor to Austin Montessori School, Austin Hospice Christopher House, Friends of Deep Eddy, Save Our Springs Alliance, or the Sierra Club. Peace, Love, Happiness. Condolences may be sent towww.cookwaldenfuneralhome.com.

Eeyore's Birthday

Kara and I have gone to many many Eeyore birthdays. It's such a fun event. It's always on the last saturday of april. Please come out and enjoy the beautiful day with us....

Full Circle

keith here, kara died early this morning on the day of her birth, 39 years young, she was a character alright. my many thanks to everyone in their support through this difficult time. the memorial service will be held on May 3rd at 10 AM at cook/walden funeral home on north lamar across from the dps. in the mean time, reflect, breath, embrace and enjoy.....

Kara

Kara died peacefully









another couple of her favorites:

Monday's Update

Plans have changed.  On Saturday Kara slept nearly the whole day with only a few wakings.  She ate and drank very little.  She did not eat and drink on Sunday or today.  She is sleeping.  She is peaceful.  She is not in pain.  Kara's room is quiet and dark with soft music playing.  She is not receiving an IV or oxygen.  She continues to receive her various pain and comfort medications through her port and she has a catheter. 

We do not know how much longer our Kara will be with us.  In the meantime she is peaceful, which is what we've all been hoping for.

This is a time for the family to be with Kara and with each other.  We, her friends, have done all we can to support Kara.  Now we step back, temporarily, to allow her family this important moment together.  

Hugs to you all,

Janice

Staying at Christopher House until Monday

Hello friends,

Kara is going to stay through the weekend at Christopher House.  The plan for now is that she will come home on Monday.  For these past weeks Kara's pain has been behind her right eye but now she has pain on the left side of her face, in her left leg and her breathing sometimes is labored.  She has also slowed down quite a bit, energetically.  The amazing people at Christopher House respond to her immediately and give her medications that ease her pain and keep her comfortable.  Her blend of medication is complicated, so staying through the weekend is a very good thing.  

Kara's room has a door to a lovely outside brick walk that wraps around the building.  She has enjoyed many rides in her wheelchair in the fresh air. She can listen to her favorite music, eat her cake and have her family with her.  There are many volunteers at the Christopher House that play music or bring their dog to visit patients and I'm sure other things as well.  It's a pretty special place and although Kara wishes she were home, it is a wonderful alternative.

It is still important that we give them space and have no visiting. 

Please keep Keith, Gregory and Miko in your hearts.  Keith is, as Kara says, her "rock".  He truly is amazing to watch.  His absolute love for Kara, Gregory and Miko is unending and beautiful. 

I'm attaching a video of Kara's favorite song from The Head and The Heart.  It's called Lost in My Mind.  It's a good one.  Kara knows every word, even when she's sleeping!

Keep singing, dancing and laughing, friends,

Janice

Christopher House

Kara is at Christopher House starting this evening. It is a part of the Hospice that provides 24 hour medical care. They will be making sure she's taking all the medicine she needs to take care of her pain and keep her comfortable. Kara's pain is mostly on the right side of her face and right eye, due to the large tumor behind her right eye.  Having a stay at Christopher House will also give Keith a chance to get some much needed sleep. The Hospice folks say that usually people stay at the Christopher House for just a few days. Their goal is to get the meds in order, which they mostly are for Kara, and help Kara be back in the comfort of her home as soon as possible. Kara seemed fine about going there. She said, "I should get packed!"

Christopher House is a wonderful place for Kara to be.  Because she is there to get her medications in order, Keith is asking that there be NO VISITORS while she is there. Those of us in her daily care will be there and Miko and Gregory can be there too.  We will update you as soon as there is more information.

Here is some information about Christopher House:

http://www.hospiceaustin.org/about-hospice-austin/hospice-austins-christopher-house/

Keep the music and love flowing,

Janice

Update from Janice

Kara is resting more and more these days.  The large tumor behind her right eye is growing and bothers her more each day so Keith keeps her comfortable with oxycontin among other medications.  She continues to crave chocolate, coffee, cats and music, although she likes the music to be quieter now.  

Because of Kara's need for more rest, Keith asks that visits be limited and that there be no visits after 6pm.  I urge you to call or text Keith ahead of time if you need to come over to make sure it is the right time.  If you are bringing food, supplies, or anything else, please leave them at their front door. 

What we can all do is send them our love.  Play some music Kara loves.  In these last months Kara has especially loved listening to Bob Schneider, The Head and The Heart, Nirvana, Phish and maybe you know some other music she loves that you could play for yourself while sending strength to this dear, dear family.  

~Janice

Kara, Keith, Gregory, Miko and Kara's Mother Ronda at Mayfield park.

Time is Precious

Keith here, Kara has certainly slowed down, the hospice nurse said today it was time to up the dosage of medications so they'd be more effective....well, since her visit, it seems I've been plowing through the morphine, the nighttime routine of dilaudid an hour before bed seems like a band aid on a broken leg, she is withering, I was joking that all the chocolate and coffee would keep her alive for a few days after she died, now shes complaining of stomach aches, hell, who wouldn't...but we all know kara is a little set in her ways and can be some what stubborn at times, so we're just taking it day by day and trying to make the best of it......most certainly appreciate the continued support and positive vibes, until next time, dance in the rain, peace k

Sands of Time

Well, the hospice doctor and the oncologist seem to be on the same page with similar time frames until kara dies, a couple weeks. she is not in pain and is her usual hard headed self.  it has been good for her to see old friends and family....I can see the twinkle in her eye as she remembers old times. I still offer continued thanks to everyone who is helping in these difficult times. enjoy the day, and as kara would say, have some coffee and chocolate.....

It takes a village....

to raise a child, what true words. It also seems to take an expedition to put a couple of people on top of the world. It also seems to take the efforts of thousands to put a few folks into space.  As I trudge on through this journey,  I truely believe that I wouldn't be here without the support and love from everyone that we know, and again, I thank you and love you all.  Karas beautiful smile is so radiant...even after eating nine pieces of cake, like innocence and joy in pure form, she still melts my heart and brings a flood of memories....

peace k

Hoppy Easter

hey all, i hope this day finds everyone happy and thankful, i'd like to say thanks for everything that everyone has done, it's been an emotional time....and like my karas mother, ronda, said...my aunt told me one time that crying is just washing the windows to the soul.....well, i have some clean windows.....love y'all

Meant to Update Yesterday

keith here, i meant to update after our oncology appt yesterday but alas, time flew by....as expected, her life is expectancy is between 1 to 3 weeks, what actually means any time soon...so last night was another night of festivities and loud music, much beer, vodka, and yes even tequila were on hand along with alot of smiles, laughing and tears....i thank everyone very much for the continued support through this difficult time, it is much appreciated....remember, you can't have a rainbow with our rain....

Hey All

keith here, you know the old saying "no news is good news", well today i took kara to get an mri, and as expected, the news it revealed was not good, so.....she's been eating cupcakes, cookies and ice cream, drinking beer like old times and laughing and smiling while reminiscing better days.....and listening to loud music...jeez i was laughing going down the drag with nirvana cranked up, tomorrow we will have a big appointment with our oncologist.....and just go from there, its good to have plans in life but sometimes its also good to fly by the seat of your pants, but some times there are events that one doesnt even see coming, in the totallity of the universe we are just beings on a blue planet spinning around a star,  why stress....enjoy being....time is precious and you only live this life once.....so live it up, its only ice cream : )

Captains Log Stardate....

Hey y'all Keith here, i dont even know where to start, its been 6 weeks since kara updated anything and alot has happened in that time. she has done chemo within that time and scans has showed that her cancer is still stabilized but has not shrunk as much as it did since the last scans, which means it is effective but not as effective....that being said, she's no longer doing double chemo because it was killing her blood faster than she could make it, hence the 2 transfusions, so shes been doing single chemo with adjusted levels to try to balance out effective treatment and quality of life....well, starting a couple of weeks ago she started having trouble negotiating unlevel terrain, not due to her leg swelling, which is better, but probably due to motor neuron degradation, hell who knows anyways, like 9 days ago, during a sxsw event, she fell on her face....totally on her face, that ordeal is a whole 'nother chapter, but since that event she seems like she has alzheimers, we did go to our scheduled dr visit, did labs and chemo, and concluded that her symptoms were probably a combination of her aggressive chemo, full head radiation and slamming her face on the ground.  since that visit, a concerned friend urged us to get another scan of her head, which we did, which is another epic chapter, but the scan revealed only minor activity that shouldnt be causing the symptoms shes experiencing,  well, since the scan, i've asked for a visit to a neurooncologist just to have a brain nerd look at everything and to see what their 2 cents say.....all that being said now, its been an extremely difficult experience to endure, which really goes with out saying, but realizing that time, love and life are precious...you know the old saying, don't sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff, well, life is in the details...some how even the smallest things can be monumental, where as the big things you can brush aside with a casual swipe, please take the time to smile, hug, and laugh.  i really thank everyone in their support for my family and i through this, until next time, peace k

Dry Toast

This is just a short update to let y'all know that I'm going to keep the blog updated due to circumstances beyond our control......butter, jam, and/or gravey soon to follow.....

-Keith

a quick note

My leg swelling has gone down.  I am not in pain all the time.  I am walking though not normally.  It is a stiff legged walk.  I can bend my leg and bare weight.  It's just the follow through holding me up.  Everyday my walk gets a little better.  Thanks for all you well wished and wish me luck with chemo tomorrow.  Peace, Kara

update

Again, it's been a long time since my last post.  The last few weeks have been rough.  I have received another 2 pints of blood due to low red blood cell count.  My white blood cells are holding steady for now allowing me to skip my nuelasta shots that stimulate my bone marrow to make more white blood cells.  I don't miss them as they cause discomfort in my bones.  I've been experiencing more left leg pain.  From my knee to my ankle, my leg swelled to about three times its size.  I have been walking with the aide of a cane or a walker and sometimes resorting to a wheelchair.  In order to diagnose this  mystery, I've had many ultrasounds to check for blood clots-zero!  I've been x-rayed to check for bone metastases activity-none!  So, what's up with the swelling?  Oh, it's a not so common side effect of the radiation reacting with my chemo drug gemcitibine.  They are playing a game called radiation recall causing a slight case of compartment syndrome in my muscles.  Compartment syndrome is fluid trapped in the muscles.  It is quite painful and can be serious leading to surgery if it does not alleviate otherwise.  So, I was given steroids to combat the inflammation which is almost gone.  The pain is still with me and I take pain meds to alleviate it.  I don't like taxing my liver in this way so I hope for this to relieve itself soon.  I am using arnica and frankincense on the area to relieve pain and inflammation as well.  I am trying to achieve the perfect balance between rest and movement.  I do not want to turn into a couch potato.  I have had two weeks off chemo due to the swelling in my leg.  Since the thought is that one of my drugs is causing it we postponed a week.  This week I will resume my next round and finish with more tests to check to progress.  A bit of excitement did happen last weekend.  By the request of my Dr. I went to the hospital late Friday night to further research the leg mystery.  My friend GB was with me and we were there in the ER for about 5 hours.  Luckily we did not have to wait in the waiting room because my DR. had been in touch with them.  The stay included more ultrasounds to rule out blood clot.  While there I got a compartment syndrome test which involves a very long, fat needle into 4 different spots of the muscle to test the pressure.  The pressure needs to be less than 30 points of the lower number of my blood pressure.  My lower number is usually between 60 and 70.  My 4 numbers were 30, 25, 16, and 5.  Verdict was unclear but leaned toward a slight case of compartment syndrome with not enough of the other symptoms to make a case for it.  The doc sent me home with a boot to wear and instructions to rest but also keep the ankle and knee moving to help pump out the trapped fluid.  I have to tell you that I am ready for some normalcy.  I hope everyone is doing well.  Give your legs a pat and say thank you for the hard work they do for you everyday.  When you lose some of you mobility, it's eye-opening!